Love is increasingly being perceived not as a permanent emotional state but as a relationship that requires continuous effort, conscious commitment and negotiation, according to Polish researchers studying modern relationships.
Psychologist Jarosław Piotrowski from Cardinal Stefan Wyszyński University said the traditional Western ideal of romantic love as lifelong and unchanging is gradually losing influence.
“We meet, fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after”, Piotrowski said, describing what he called the former “myth of romantic love”.
According to the psychologist, that model assumed that love remained constant and that any weakening of feelings indicated the absence of “true love”. He said contemporary attitudes toward relationships are shifting away from this approach.
“More and more people are realizing that a relationship does not necessarily have to be lifelong, and that if we do not work on it, it will disintegrate”, Piotrowski said during the debate “Expectations in a Relationship: Between Dreams and Everyday Life”, held in early May at the John Paul II Thought Centre.
Referring to psychologist Robert Sternberg’s theory of love, Piotrowski said relationships are built on three components: passion, intimacy and commitment. He noted that passion naturally weakens over time and argued that long-term relationships cannot depend solely on emotions.
“Passion has a very strong dynamic - it grows at the beginning of a relationship, and then declines just as strongly”, he said.
Piotrowski added that commitment becomes increasingly important as relationships develop.
“Commitment is the only component of love that depends almost entirely on our will”, he said.
Research conducted since 2020 by a team led by sociologist Mariola Bieńko at the University of Warsaw supports the view of relationships as ongoing projects requiring effort and reflection.
The qualitative study included more than 200 interviews with people in marriages, cohabitation arrangements and LAT relationships, known as “living apart together”, in which partners remain in a relationship while living separately.
Participants described relationships as “own constructs” requiring communication, emotional labour and regular reflection.
“Today, it is openly said that a relationship is an area of work, hard work”, Bieńko said.
Researchers found that younger people are increasingly attempting to balance independence and self-fulfilment with desires for closeness and stability.
“If we want to be free, we have to forget about a sense of security”, Bieńko said.
Interview participants also highlighted the importance of everyday “practices of care”, such as cooking together, creating rituals and developing shared ways of communication. At the same time, many respondents said excessive phone and social media use undermines intimacy.
“The world's greatest achievement in a relationship is putting your phone away”, Bieńko quoted one respondent as saying.
Researchers also pointed to differences in relationship expectations between women and men, citing evolutionary psychology studies and data from Public Opinion Research Centre. According to the discussion participants, women more often prioritise security and stability, while men more frequently emphasise physical attractiveness.
The researchers argued that dating apps and social media are reshaping how relationships are formed and maintained by turning potential partners into part of a broader “market” of choices. They said this may contribute to greater instability in relationships and lower barriers to ending them.
The researchers concluded that modern relationships are not necessarily in crisis but are instead adapting to profound cultural and technological changes that increasingly redefine love as a process requiring ongoing maintenance rather than a permanent state.(PAP)
PAP - Science in Poland
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