The development of parental identity is a process that scientists are only just beginning to understand. Researchers have observed that even during pregnancy, a sense of parental identity can serve as a resource that protects a parent's future mental health and helps restore balance during the initial months and years of parenthood. It can also help shield parents from parental burnout.

“Identity is the part of the +self+ that organizes how we define ourselves and which roles, values, and goals we adopt as our own. The simplest definition of identity is the answer a person gives themselves to the question: +Who am I?+” Piotrowski said.

Piotrowski heads the Center for Research on Personality Development at SWPS University. Psychologists have studied identity development since the 1950s, but much of that research has focused on teenagers and young people taking their first steps into adulthood.

“We know a great deal about it, but that knowledge has largely focused on teenagers and young people taking their first steps into the adult world. Parenthood usually comes a bit later. For this reason, little attention has been paid so far to the changes that occur in our identity when we consider having children, prepare to have them, or step into the role of a parent,” he said.

The journey into parenthood, however, begins long before the birth of a first child.

“The birth of a child assigns a new role in society to a person, but does this tell us anything about the parent's attitude toward that role? Some parents quite quickly begin to think: +This is my role; I have settled into it well; parenthood is great for me+, whereas for others, the psychological process of stepping into the parental role may unfold differently. Parental identity develops over time and in various directions, and its beginnings can be observed even before the child is born,” Piotrowski said.

A key component of parental identity is the degree to which a person identifies with the parental role. Researchers also examine what happens when that commitment is called into question.

“One could say that a person has successfully settled into parenthood when the parental role has become a coherent part of their self-image: +This is who I am+, and when the parent, generally speaking, +would not trade it for anything+, meaning they strongly identify with being a parent,” Piotrowski said.

His team's research includes longitudinal studies covering pregnancy and the first years following a child's birth, as well as projects focused on parental identity, parental burnout and regret over the decision to become a parent.

Researchers examine the particularly sensitive early stages of parenthood and groups of parents at high risk of negative experiences – from the formation of their self-image as parents and the development of commitment to that role to situations in which parenthood is called into question or becomes a source of overwhelm or regret.

Piotrowski said parental identity can act as a kind of psychological anchor. A parent with a more coherent image of their role may find it easier to find meaning in difficult experiences. When parenthood ranks high in a person's hierarchy of values, making daily decisions can also become easier.

“The same lack of sleep, conflict, or sense of overwhelm is experienced differently by someone who thinks, +It is hard, but I want to be a parent+, compared to someone for whom these difficulties trigger the question: +Should I have become a parent at all?+” Piotrowski said.

This does not mean that a strong identification with the parental role can protect against every problem. Identity cannot replace sleep, a partner's help, social support or adequate living conditions, Piotrowski said.

Another focus of the research is parental regret – an emotional and cognitive experience concerning a decision made in the past.

“A person compares their current life with an alternative scenario: +What would my life look like if I had not become a parent?+ A fleeting thought: +If I had known how hard it would be, perhaps I would have decided differently+ does not necessarily indicate a problem. The situation changes, however, when the regret becomes persistent and recurring, and is accompanied by changes in behaviour toward the child,” Piotrowski said.

Love for one's child and regret regarding the decision to become a parent are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to love one's child while simultaneously regretting having become a parent. A parent can also provide good care for a child even if parenthood is not a role they would choose for themselves again.

Piotrowski said parents may suffer additionally from the belief that they should not experience such feelings.

“One of the major issues is that, socially, we find it very difficult to accept the coexistence of such contradictory emotions. Consequently, a parent often suffers not only from the regret or burnout itself but also from shame, guilt, and the belief that the mere emergence of such thoughts makes them a bad parent,” Piotrowski said.

The research could eventually be applied to preventive measures. Piotrowski said help currently often arrives only after a problem has already developed, when a parent is burnt out, experiences symptoms of depression or is in the midst of a serious crisis.

Yet psychological preparation could begin during pregnancy, when parental identity is already taking shape. Programs preparing expectant parents for parenthood could address the psychological shift alongside information about childbirth and infant feeding.

“We could discuss ambivalence, the loss of some former freedoms, changes in the relationship, role conflicts, and the fact that good parenting does not require completely subordinating one’s life to the role,” Piotrowski said.

“Our goal, then, would not be to create a parent who never has doubts. Rather, it is to foster a person who enters parenthood with more realistic expectations and a greater ability to integrate this new role with other aspects of themselves,” the researcher said.

The research project is co-funded by the Polish National Science Centre.

Anna Mikołajczyk-Kłębek, PAP - Science in Poland

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