The fact that partners now have more opportunities to spend time alone and less often share their apartment with family, affects the intensity of intimate relationships . Partners can get to know each other better, but also have more opportunities for conflict. This may be one explanation why the average Pole enters into more intimate relationships and experienced more breakups over the course of life. Dr. Filip Schmidt from the Institute of Sociology of Adam Mickiewicz University in Poznań spoke about this in an interview with PAP.

According to the sociologist, in the case of couples who started their relationships in the 1960s-1980s, the partners rarely had the opportunity to spend time alone. Due to different housing conditions, a more common situation was that the partners lived with their families. There were less opportunities to spend time alone. "Tensions in the families were spread among more people, couples could define themselves in opposition to the other members of the household, and disputes were resolved together, in larger groups of people" - described the sociologist.

In his opinion, the nature of relationships used to be different than it is now. "Young people often live together for many years, just as a couple. They have only each other to resolve all issues that in wider systems are consulted with grandmothers, mothers, children. Therefore, their relationship is much more intense. The worlds of these partners are more strongly connected" - said the sociologist. He admitted that there is more going on between the partners, but it are also more changes and conflicts that partners must resolve among themselves.

"The decision to have a relationship with someone, means intense sharing of his or her everyday life. Therefore, the process of forming a permanent relationship is preceded by meeting many people, searching for someone with whom you can create the common world" - described the sociologist. Dr. Filip Schmidt explained that the number of intimate relationships among younger people during life is growing, as is the number of relationship that fall apart.

Results of detailed study of a representative sample of 506 residents of Poznań, carried out on behalf of the sociologist by Pentor, the number of relationships is higher among younger respondents than among older ones. While 70 percent respondents in the age group of 65-70 years declared that they still are in their first relationships, among those in the age group of 18-40 years, one third were in at least third relationship.

Since relationships tend to be intense, it is more difficult to find a partner who would meet all expectations. Breakups happen more often and the time spent searching for a partner becomes longer. According to Dr. Schmidt, the stage of being single is primarily a phase separating one non-marital relationship from the next. According to the sociologist’s results in all age groups more than 60 percent subjects had in their lifetime at least one year when they did not have a partner. The sociologist explains that commonly the phase of being single is temporary, rather than a permanent model of living.

Once a person has already found a partner, the more and more common model is cohabitation, partners living together before marriage. Although the CSO data show that only a few percent of the people live together without marriage, Dr. Schmidt believes that the phenomenon of cohabitation is underestimated. His research shows that in large cities about 30 percent couples have the experience of sharing an apartment before marriage. The researcher noted that couples usually would take their time before deciding to make this step. "Because cohabitation in Poland is not without problems" - said the researcher.

He explained that it is not only the problems with renting or buying an apartment, but also moral considerations or family acceptance of an informal relationships. "For most couples, living together is a major step in a relationship. This is not a step taken as easily as starting a relationship. Cohabitation often leads to marriage. Of course, not all couples make it to the wedding" - said Dr. Schmidt.

"Regarding the marriage of love, it\'s hard to tell when it became a canon in Poland. In the nineteenth century, the idea of linking marriage to the experience of attraction began to be more and more common. Research of ethnologists shows, in the 1940s-1950s in some parts of Poland it was still obvious that marriage meant combining assets and emotional bond was of little importance. Relationship was strongly embedded in the context of family, neighbourhood, and there was no place for the development of the world as a couple. Yet at the same time, in major cities marriage meant great love" - said the sociologist.

Dr. Schmidt explained that modern marriages last longer than in the eighteenth or nineteenth century. However, the reason is not stability of marriage, but rather the increased life expectancy. Dr. Schmidt reminded that divorce appeared in Poland after World War II. Earlier, for example in the eighteenth century, invalidating the marriage was a common solution among nobility. Now, on average, 7 in 1,000 marriages existing in a given year break up. However, according to the researcher, divorces are a minority of all separations that happen in life.

The book "Intimate couple today and in the past. Contemporary discussions on the changes of intimacy in a historical perspective" by Dr. Schmidt will be published in the program MONOGRAPHS of the Foundation for Polish Science. Research on intimate relationships can be found at: https://repozytorium.amu.edu.pl/jspui/handle/10593/2314

PAP - Science and Scholarship in Poland, Ludwika Tomala

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