Crying acts as a “social glue” that signals a need for support and motivates others to help, according to Adrianna Kaczuba-Kozic from the University of Lodz. Far from being a sign of weakness, she says, crying helps people process emotions — and should be allowed when needed.
People differ in their general tendency to cry, known in psychology as tearfulness — a biologically determined trait. Those with higher tearfulness cry more often than individuals with lower intensity of this characteristic.
Unlike tears caused by physical pain or irritation, emotional crying arises from strong feelings and helps reduce perceived emotional tension.
“From a mental health perspective, crying is not a sign of weakness, but an expression of emotions and a way of working through them. That is why you should allow yourself to cry when you need it,” says Kaczuba-Kozic from the Institute of Psychology at the University of Lodz.
Crying also serves a social function. “Crying signals to those around us that we need support. It acts as a kind of ‘social glue’, or bond that can bring people together and motivate helpful behaviour,” the psychologist explains. “This sensitivity to crying has its evolutionary roots. In children, tears are a signal of helplessness, a cry for care, and the same is true in adulthood.”
Research shows that the “social glue” effect of crying is strongest when another person is present — especially someone close, such as a parent or romantic partner — who can provide genuine support. However, the effect diminishes when crying is perceived as insincere or manipulative.
Many factors influence how crying is interpreted, including the relationship between people and the context of the situation. The key factor, researchers say, is appropriateness: if crying is seen as fitting (for example, at a funeral), it elicits understanding and support. If it seems excessive or misplaced, it may lead to indifference or even social rejection.
“It is also worth adding that we still do not know the answers to many questions about the bonding function of crying, for example, whether the crying insincerity effect works in the same way in close relationships, such as romantic relationships,” says Kaczuba-Kozic. “This was one of the reasons for undertaking the research I am conducting in collaboration with Monika Wróbel, PhD, a professor at the University of Lodz, and Karolina Koszałkowska, PhD.”
She notes that research on emotional crying in romantic couples is scarce, despite the fact that these relationships offer a natural setting to study crying as a bonding mechanism.
To explore this, Kaczuba-Kozic has developed a “Crying in Romantic Relationships Scale”, a questionnaire measuring how often people cry in front of their partners in various situations — from pride in a partner’s achievements to distress over a loved one’s illness.
“We want to determine whether the types of crying we observe are related to the quality of romantic relationships. This is the first study of its kind. We analyse real-life couples and their functioning in relationships,” she says. “Previous studies primarily relied on fictional scenarios and typically focused on only one partner. Meanwhile, the involvement of both partners in a research project — though still rare — allows us to better understand relationship dynamics, even though it poses a significant organizational challenge.”
Kaczuba-Kozic adds that the results could have practical implications for therapists and couples alike. “They can help us better understand when crying promotes closeness and understanding, and when it is a source of tension or misunderstanding. This can have a real impact on the quality of everyday communication in a relationship,” she says.
PAP - Science in Poland, Ewelina Krajczyńska-Wujec (PAP)
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